SHORTLY after my husband announced his pastorship, I slipped into a stage of shock and denial. You see, I simply don’t like people; I am practically the poster-child for introverts everywhere. How could I be a pastor’s wife if I don’t like people, especially people I don’t know? How could I be a pastor’s wife when my spiritual life was in shambles? That was the greater issue; that is what worried me most. God knew my spiritual condition; my husband knew my spiritual condition. How could God ask this of me when He knew my heart? Could God and my husband be so blind? Could they not see my spiritual condition? No, they weren’t blind; they weren’t blind at all. They could see more clearly the need. The need for the church; the need for me to look inward and crawl out of my introverted, spiritually decrepit shell.
AFTER the shock settled, and I came to terms with the fact that I was the wife of a pastor (not quite a “pastor’s wife, there is a difference, you see), I began to slide into the denial stage, which could be better translated as rebellion. I wasn’t called to be a pastor’s wife; I was called to be a teacher, so my logical solution was to deny every stereotype of a pastor’s wife. I would arrive to church in just enough time to say a polite hello to the patrons. I would only go to the services that I felt were necessary (Sunday Morning service won the battle of most-important-services). I would use my Kindle as my Bible (heaven forbid!), and I would distant myself as much as I could from my fellow church-goers. I mean it’s been a while since I’d been in church to begin with and now all of a sudden I’m thrown into this role that I don’t want where I’m expected to be at church on a regular basis and care about people and share my heart with people I don’t know. Denying my role as a pastor’s wife seemed like the only solution. If I denied my role, then maybe, just maybe, that role would deny me. I had to ask myself though, do I truly want to deny what God obviously felt was best? No, I cannot deny this role. I cannot.
Such a heartfelt revelation and transparent look into the heart of a young pastor's wife. I am sure there are many other women out there who have felt the same. Your desire to open yourself and allow others to see you in this light is inviting God to work on you and bring that transgression to the surface for forgiveness and "re-construction" to mold you into the woman He desires you to be. What a perfect place He has put you in.. A godly school teacher, so needed in our public schools, and the "wife of a pastor" under construction to becoming a "pastor's wife". Thanks for being transparent.
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