I'm a Pastor's Wife? What?!

When my husband announced that he planned to take a church as the head pastor, my initial reaction was: What? I can’t be a Pastor’s wife! Now, wouldn’t it be nice if that story continued with: “Now my husband has been a pastor for ten years, and I am finally fitting into my role as a pastor’s wife”? Well, unfortunately that’s not how my story goes. My husband has only been a pastor for two years, and I am nowhere close to fitting into my role as a pastor’s wife, but I wanted to share with you our struggles, my struggles, our victories, our tears and our triumphs, and maybe even a few laughs. Hopefully this will encourage you, uplift you, make you feel better about yourself, or just let you know that there is someone else out there who is having a hard time with this whole “being-a-godly-wife thing.”



Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Woman: made in the image of God

FOR Mother's Day I was asked to speak at a Mother Daughter Banquet. Again, being an introvert, my first reaction was, "Yes, of course." See, on top of being an introvert I also cannot say no. My second reaction was, "Crap, what did I just get myself into?"I'm not a mother, and I'm really not a public speaker. What was I to share with these women? What wisdom or encouragement could I share that they had not heard before? What could I teach them? I ran through several ideas: The Proverbs Thirty-One Woman, Ruth, Esther, little known women mentioned in the New Testament. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that I didn't want to admonish these women, especially on Mother's Day, a day to honor mothers. So, I thought, what can I say that will celebrate these women and their accomplishments that is centered in biblical truth? This is what I discovered: Women are made in the image of God.

MANY people argue that the Bible is sexist, as it appears to diminish the position of women, but I found something quite different. Check it out:

IN Genesis God says: "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:26-27 ESV. Notice the end of verse twenty-seven, "male and female he created them." Male and female. Both man and woman are created in the image of God. If we take a look at the man, it is easy to see characteristics of God in him. The man is strong, he provides, he teaches and leads his family, he guides his family. God is also strong, He provides, He teaches and leads, He guides. So, man is a reflection of God in that sense. God instilled in man some of His qualities and characteristics. Yet, you cannot deny that man and woman are different, so how is it that both man and woman are created in the image of God if we are so different? Glad you asked.

"MALE and female he created them." God also created woman in His image. We know that God created woman because "it [was] not good that man should be alone," so God made "him a helper fit for him" (Genesis 2:18). God also needed a way to display the fullness of His character. Man displays part of God's character - the woman displays the other part. That is why marriage is the perfect picture of God and His love, because the image of God comes together in man and woman. Let me show you a few examples.

THROUGHOUT the Bible the image of a woman or mother is used to describe certain aspects of God. In Deuteronomy thirty-two Moses is singing to God about His deliverance of Israel, and in verses ten and eleven Moses says to God, "He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye. Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them in its pinions." Amazing, right? Okay, so if you didn't catch it, let me break it down for you. God protected His people, Israel, like a mother eagle watches over her young, not just watches, but encircles them, flutters over them, spreads out its wings over them, catching them, bearing them on its pinions - the tips of its wings. I'm getting excited just writing this out again! God cares and watches over His children like a mother eagle cares for her young. These are qualities pretty unique to a woman. God chose to show these qualities through woman. Never get between a momma and her children, and never get between God and His children.

IN Isaiah sixty-six God says to the people of Israel, "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted" (v. 13). God comforts His children like a mother comforts her children. I don't think there is really anything quite like the love of my mother when I am sick, upset, broken, or discourage and in need of comfort. Even to this day, after I have been living on my own since I graduated high school, there is nothing like calling my mom when I've had a bad day and need to vent, or when I'm sick and need to know what to do, or when I'm broken and I need to cry; there is nothing like it. God gave that quality to women, that ability to comfort unlike a man could. He chose to show that quality of comfort through women. You see this again in the New Testament when Jesus is rebuking the Pharisees for not caring for the children of God. Jesus says to the Pharisees, "How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not!" Jesus is saying, "I would have cared for my children like a mother hen, but you wouldn't even do that!" Like a mother hen. God cares for his children like a mother.

GOD chose to show these parts of His character through WOMEN. Does that not excite you? We, women, are also created in the image of God, and God chose certain parts of His character to show in us, and certain parts to show in man. Woman wasn't just an after thought, God needed another way to show the rest of His character; God chose to use woman to display the rest of His character. So, women celebrate! You are created in the image of God with qualities unique to you as a woman! Celebrate who you are in God.

Lessons from the Gospel

MY husband loves to talk about the gospel, which in turn has caused me to focus more on the gospel. It is interesting how refreshing life can be when you realize the true depth and nature of the gospel. The essence of the gospel is God's love for us. Because God's love for us is so immense, so absolute, He sent His son to die in our place. Not only does the death of Christ remove our sins, but it makes us full and redeemed in God. When God looks at us, He no longer sees a sinner, He sees a redeemed and whole son or daughter. Do you understand the pressure that takes off of us? Now, this does not give us a pass on sin, but it should give us a motivation to live in worship to God.

SO many people claim that the Christian life is so hard, but in reality it should not be hard. Okay, think of it this way, when a parent loves a child that child wants to spend time with his parent, wants to draw pictures for his parent, wants to hug and kiss his parent, not because he has to but because he wants to, and he wants to because his parents love him. Make sense? When a parent shows love to a child he is saying that his child is worthy, valued, and beautiful (my husband shared that with me), and when the child feels worthy, valued, and beautiful he lives a free life. A life free of pressure to please and succeed, and a life free from things that devalue and strip worth. This should be the same for us as believers and children of God because God's love is so much greater than the love of a parent for a child. Since God loves us so deeply, we should want to love Him in return. We should not go to church because we feel we have to, but because God loves us so much we should want to be in church. We shouldn't read our Bibles because we have to but because God loves us so much we want to. We shouldn't sing, pray, give because we have to, but because God loves us so much we want to.

NOW when it comes to sin, we know that we have a sin nature, and most people say that overcoming that sin nature is what makes the Christian life so hard. I say it shouldn't have to be so hard because of the Gospel. Remember what I said above about value, worth, and beauty? Well the Gospel makes us valued, worthy, and beautiful in the eyes of God. He doesn't want us to sin, not because it hurts Him or because it's a rule that we must follow or because if we sin God won't be happy with us and deny us access to Him. No, we should not sin because we are worthy, valued, and beautiful to God. How could we do harm to something that God sees as valuable, worthy, and beautiful?

THE other day my husband brought the gospel into our marriage. Because of the gospel, God sees us as redeemed and whole, our sins removed and our slates wiped cleaned. If I make the gospel my focus, I should view everything through the lens of the gospel, including my marriage. So, when I look at my husband, I should see him as God sees him: redeemed and whole. A redeemed and whole man is worthy of my love and respect. When my husband looks at me, he should see me as redeemed and whole and worthy of his love and respect. Again, this removes so much pressure from our marriage. God sees us as worthy, forgiven, valued, and beautiful, so we should see each other as the same. When I learn to see my husband through the lens of the gospel I will love and respect him so much more.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Moments of Shock and Denial


SHORTLY after my husband announced his pastorship, I slipped into a stage of shock and denial. You see, I simply don’t like people; I am practically the poster-child for introverts everywhere. How could I be a pastor’s wife if I don’t like people, especially people I don’t know? How could I be a pastor’s wife when my spiritual life was in shambles? That was the greater issue; that is what worried me most. God knew my spiritual condition; my husband knew my spiritual condition. How could God ask this of me when He knew my heart? Could God and my husband be so blind? Could they not see my spiritual condition? No, they weren’t blind; they weren’t blind at all. They could see more clearly the need. The need for the church; the need for me to look inward and crawl out of my introverted, spiritually decrepit shell. 

AFTER the shock settled, and I came to terms with the fact that I was the wife of a pastor (not quite a “pastor’s wife, there is a difference, you see), I began to slide into the denial stage, which could be better translated as rebellion. I wasn’t called to be a pastor’s wife; I was called to be a teacher, so my logical solution was to deny every stereotype of a pastor’s wife. I would arrive to church in just enough time to say a polite hello to the patrons. I would only go to the services that I felt were necessary (Sunday Morning service won the battle of most-important-services). I would use my Kindle as my Bible (heaven forbid!), and I would distant myself as much as I could from my fellow church-goers. I mean it’s been a while since I’d been in church to begin with and now all of a sudden I’m thrown into this role that I don’t want where I’m expected to be at church on a regular basis and care about people and share my heart with people I don’t know. Denying my role as a pastor’s wife seemed like the only solution. If I denied my role, then maybe, just maybe, that role would deny me. I had to ask myself though, do I truly want to deny what God obviously felt was best? No, I cannot deny this role. I cannot.  





Mr. Preacher and Zombies

Original Entry: November 11, 2012


THE Church is dead, filled with greedy, monstrous zombies. The Living dead - greedy, wanting to fill their own bellies with what pleases them regardless of who or what stands in the way. They will devour whomever they please. They sit, mindlessly and heartlessly, in rows of identical seats. They gage their spirituality on how they feel at the moment. Are their bellies full? Did Mr. Preacher make them feel good, get their dead minds tickled a little? Did Mr. Preacher hit the nail on the head for Ms. Gossip on the third row? Because we all know she really needs to hear it?


HOW can we call this church? I do not believe this is what God intended when He designed the church. Church has become an emotional meat factory for mindless, “spiritual” zombies. They come in, get their fill of preaching and emotional highs, they mindlessly eat the meat prepared for them at church, then go home and feast on rotten flesh and call themselves “alive.” They move listlessly through life. They claim to be spiritual leaders; some are even deacons or elders or youth pastors or missionaries, but they are the walking dead, reeking of the rotten flesh that reaches to their very souls. It is sad to say that the plague of zombies has not been confined to the everyday church-goer. It has spread and rooted itself deeply into our churches. Believers and unbelievers alike should be able to walk into a church and feel the love of God and see the truth of the Gospel, but instead they feel the coldness, the death, the stench of rotting flesh as our church-goers wander the halls avoiding those spiritual conversations that will reveal their dead and rotting souls, as they prey on the visitors with judgement and condemnation. 
WHAT can be done? Something must be done. Either rid the church of the dead and dying, or pray for a church-wide resurrection. I’m not sure, but something must be done because God’s church is dying.  


Extraordinary

Now this entry isn’t really about being a pastor’s wife; it’s just about life, about hopes and dreams. 


Original Entry: April 28, 2013


I want to do something meaningful with my life. I want the people I love to be proud of me, pleased with my accomplishments. Sometimes I feel like they are more proud or pleased with others. What can I do to make them proud? Do I need to change my way of thinking (seems that I have to do that frequently)? Do I need to change what I do? How I live? Maybe what I think of as worthy of pride isn’t what I should. Maybe I just need to adjust my priorities. Sometimes I feel like we live such a mediocre life. Nothing of significance comes our way. In a world and culture where every other person is being discovered, it makes me wonder why we haven’t been discovered. Do we live such anti-extraordinary lives that discovery simply passes by us like the Angel of Death at Passover? Does our stench of mediocracy so repel the ever beautiful gods of discovery? Why, O gods, have you cursed us? No, you haven’t even cursed us. You have ignored us, which is a far worse punishment than wrath! We are here! See us! Notice us! We long to be extraordinary!